


A Bad Idea

by exophigeon



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Forgotten Realms
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Dungeons & Dragons References, Egotistical Character, F/F, Fake Kidnapping, Fear, Flirting, Humor, Lying Protagonist, Maid, Nicknames, No Dungeons & Dragons Knowledge Required, Pet Names, Plague Doctor Mask, Reader-Insert, Robbery, Sexual Humor, Thief, Thief vs. Thief, dragon - Freeform, light threats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exophigeon/pseuds/exophigeon
Summary: A late night wandering the halls in the home of your employer lands you in the wrong place at the wrong time. The thief with a knife pointed your way made a very compelling argument: help her and be rewarded, or refuse and die. You're left with a plan in shambles and need to be clever if you want to come out on top. How long can you keep this up in the face of one of the world's most perceptive beasts?
Relationships: Female Monster/Female Human, Human/Monster - Relationship, Original D&D Character(s)/Original D&D Character(s), Original Dragon Character(s)/Original Human Character(s), dragon/human - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Bad From the Start

"What is with you humans anyway? This isn't even yours! If you took it and pawned it off yourself you'd have more gold than they would ever deem fit to pay you for a lifetime of service. Yet here you are, willing to risk your life to protect it? You're not even a guard!"

You were flat out on your back in the Mistress's study trapped between an ornate rug and the threat of a dagger pointed toward you, a sheen of mysterious and terrifying neon-green liquid oozing down the blade. The figure who's boot kept you held there didn't bother bringing it to your throat, instead exuding unsettling confidence. The voice from inside the beak-like horned mask was feminine, not that the broad hips and softly curved proportions hadn't already given as much away about your mysterious assailant. The dimming light of the fireplace warming the study glowed behind her, glinting on the edges of her lensed gaze and making her look every bit like some devil that had climbed straight from the Hells. It also glittered among the many diamonds set within the necklace in her other hand, held tightly in such a way it gave her silhouette an irritating cockiness. When you simply stared at her agog you could hear her click her tongue in annoyance. The dagger went back to her side and disappeared in to its sheath and shortly after the necklace vanished in to a pouch at her hip, but she made no moves to let you up. The thief crossed her arms impatiently and kept that beak pointed your way. Was she actually expecting you to answer that?

"The Mistress will be grief stricken, that's her mother's, she would never get over-"

"DON'T," her weight came down hard on your chest forcing you to wince with a quiet choke of pain, "lie to me. I asked why you would risk your life for a bauble you'll never even be allowed to put 'round that pretty little neck, girl. Not why your Missus wants it."

"If I were to let it be taken, miss, I would be as good as dead anyway," you finally rattle out, seemingly cowed by her second outburst. She only answers with a tilt of her head to the side and allows you to continue. "I have been the Baron's trusted servant to his personal quarters and affairs for a few years. He only recently has wed the Mistress, and she is jealous of my being in the household. She would love any opportunity to talk him in to seeing me off and has already been trying. If he ever fires me he would certainly see to it that I disappear as well, considering all I know."

The figure seemed intrigued by this, cocking her chin up slightly and leaning back enough that some weight was taken from your chest. "Is that so? You're his little pet confidant?" Your distaste for such a label was clear, but you did nod in the affirmative. "Proper enslaved by your insights, poor thing. Well then little pet..." She steps off you and stands to one side with casual languidity. "Since you've done the smart thing by not screaming… you got a name?" Her gloved hand extends downward to help you up, making you recoil as if expecting her blade to be pulled. She stays put until you put your palm in hers tentatively.

You tell her your name as she pulls you to your feet with surprising strength. Your body is suddenly against hers as you stumble, where she holds you in a one-armed embrace and twirls with you like a partner at a ball, chuckling darkly. The figure purrs your name back to you with a strange, growling echo in the hollow mask. 

"Cute. I'm Narana." You don't know if you believe her or not. "You'd best keep your voice down, because I will kill you the second you get too loud, and I will forget your adorable name before you hit the floor. I overcome obstacles the fast, easy and unmemorable way." Ok, now that you believe. Her fingers grip your chin when you glance away, forcing you to look in to the mask's glassy eyes. "Don't fear though, little pet. You're worth more to me alive if you're quiet." She grabs your forearm as you're finally freed from the uncomfortable embrace, her grip painful only for a moment, but enough of a pinch to remind you that you don't know what she's capable of. "What if I told you I could get you far away from here and leave you with a pittance that'd still have you set for life when we part ways if you helped me out, sweetheart? I mean sure, you're dead if you _don’t_ help me," and this she says nearly laughing, "but for a pretty thing like you? I'd be glad to make this a one-time partnership. You get a retirement plan and your life..." Her voice fades as if the rest doesn't have to he said. 

You have to fight not to take a tone with her when you retort with a flat "And you get what exactly...?"

Narana's free hand comes to her chest in mock shock at your implication. "And why would I need anything but good sleep at night? I can't just take this knowing you'd be _hunted_ , precious doll. It'd be cruel to leave you to the Baron and his Mistress. I'm not _evil_." As she tips the mask back enough to reveal her face to you her mirthful expression glitters, and her grin is disturbingly genuine. "For all you know I'm a sweet-as-honey Robin Hood."

She isn't at all the riffraff you expected. She has airy, very light blonde hair to the length of her shoulders, ruffled from being packed in her hood. Her nose is well defined above thick, flushed lips. At her jaw dangles earrings that resemble large shining scales, and one nostril is studded with a silver piercing. Her dark tan skin is soft and smooth save for a scar that spans across her face and over her left eye like a fallen cross. Her thick-lashed, smoky-lidded eyes are a burnt orange color that almost seems to glow, and the fact she made the prior distinction to call you human suddenly settles uneasily in your gut. 

Those same eyes are searching your expression and you realize you've just been looking at her dumbfounded again, much to her apparent amusement. "Like what you see? I'm flattered, but I _do_ need to know if I'll be slitting any part of your throat before wasting my breath on further flirtations."

Trying hard to resist sputtering you finally answer with a hurried "I-I'll… I mean. I can help." You gather yourself and feel your cheeks redden for a variety of reasons. "You're… you're not human?" The dose of real curiosity in your tone makes her grin in a way that is sweet compared to her previous smile, though it is still more like she's baring her teeth at you.

"Look at you go! Thinking _you_ get to ask _me_ questions," she growls in annoyance despite her expression, biting her lip in thought. "Tell you what, pet. Show me what else in this dump is worth taking and get me the combination for that wall safe?" She nods toward a portrait on the wall that hides the small vault's door like the cover isn't even there. Narana's gaze is almost predatory when her eyes flick back to yours, as if she's determined herself some sort of victor already. You have no idea how you hadn't noticed how close she'd leaned to you in your absent mindedness. Close enough you feel her warm breath over your lips as she speaks lowly, goose skin brisking up your arms. "I'll show you anything you want to see. Autumn's awful cold this year, after all. There's all manner of honesty to be had between _partners_ if you fancy cuddling up to share heat."

"That's not what I meant at all! I mean, if you aren't human, well you look it, but you said.." You snap your mouth shut in surrender, blushing madly enough that she has a bit of a laugh at your expense. She finally seems content to stand back, confident in the fact you won't bolt. How much of that cocksureness was the result of her finding you about as amusing as a house cat finds an injured bird? You grip at handfuls of your frilled night blouse, wringing it in your hands and occupying yourself with the engaging experience of looking down at your feet. It was difficult to ignore the pang that offer still caused in your gut, as if the sudden heat of her words on your lips had breathed fire in to your belly like swallowing near-scalding water. You were ashamed, yes, but also intrigued. More importantly you were keen to live. You don't wish to dally. "Y-yes, well, for less obvious riches…"


	2. Escape to a Prison

It had taken a surprising amount of time to regale this Narana woman with the worth of every valuable you knew, and in the end she'd wished to snatch up anything that sparkled if she happened to spot it like the world's most annoying magpie. Even if you told her it was worth little she insisted on living up to the beak on her face. Time had ticked on as a result and your anxiety had only grown as you flustered over what she needed you for at all, wanting out before anyone might happen upon the two of you. The safe was quickly and quietly emptied of its contents when she finally came to it last. You had feared for a moment as she turned to the study window that she might leap away without you. To your relief she turned and held out a hand, giving you an expectant look. You hurried to oblige and took it.

The strength of her pull was far greater than you anticipated and she took you tumbling from the third floor with her, hand clamped over your mouth to quiet your screech of surprise. With a strange flip of the stomach you found the both of you standing a great deal away in the garden on your feet and the world spun a bit as you tried to get your bearings. Looking up, you could see the window from which you fell, hundreds of feet away. "You're magic?"

The smirk she flashed you was barely softened by the moonlight, her amusement selfish but endeared. It vanished rather suddenly and she glanced sidelong, seemingly aware the two of you had run out of time before the first shouts even went up. Light appeared in the study and cast down upon the lawn, the shouting Baron within directing his guards to the garden as he discovered the open window. You tensed ready to bolt but Narana was oddly relaxed. "Well, we had a deal. I do need to show you what you'd like to see."

"Right now?!" Your voice was strangled in a disbelieving hiss and you could feel the incredulous blush on your face only grow as she continued to keep effortlessly calm.

"Absolutely right now. Don't you want to make a daring, dramatic exit?"

"What? No! I just want to actually escape alive!"

"Tsk. Come now," and that unsettling smile of hers was infinitely more so as her teeth grew sharp, neck and limbs slowly becoming queerly longer as she spoke, "everyone loves theatrics." The transformation was sudden, her form changing with the sound of snapping sails catching wind as wings rapidly appeared and curled around her. When they unfurled it was more than just her grin that glimmered as moonbeams struck her figure. There was no mistaking the beast her true form was- a dragon, covered in intricately overlapping scales of a beaten, aging copper color from fanged maw to armored tail. Flat ridges jutted broadly from beneath orange eyes and two thick, half flattened horns curled ever so slightly from the back of her skull, her nostrils high-set and mouth almost cat-like in shape. Most distinctly of all was the scar that remained, now spanning over her muzzle. Her shadow fell over you completely and she had to have stood at least 12 feet tall at just the shoulder.

You couldn't find your voice to scream, even as you were hastily snatched up in a cage of talons closing around your shocked form. The guards could and the alarm in the yard grew, and when you heard your name shouted in the panicked din it seemed your captor had as well. She turned to the few who had stopped mid-charge still a distance away, fumbling you in her palm like a fancy doll.

"Hello there boys." This last word she rather literally spat, a familiar green fluid flying from her lips to the ground where you could hear it begin to hiss and smoke. "Tell the Baron thanks for the treasure and a hot meal for me, alright?" With this she waggled you in illustration, scaled lips pulled over her acid-slicked fangs in self-satisfied, snarling amusement. Her voice wasn't deeper so much as it was much louder and richer in tone, and her laugh was no different, shaking her head at the guards as they stumbled over themselves to get away. The creak of something like canvas was your only warning before her first mighty flap and you learned first hand just how quickly a legendary creature could take to the skies, sick to your stomach as she spiraled showily in her ascent before picking a direction and putting on speed.

You weren't sure how much time had passed with nothing but the wind around you and your own heartbeat the only things you heard before she spoke, snapping you forcefully from your frozen state, but when you looked down the fringe of your city was passing by below you. "I hope you didn't croak from shock pet?" The massive scaled paw that grasped you was held close to her chest where her voice resonated loudly enough to hear despite the wind whipping rapidly past your ears. You replied only by squeezing more tightly to her hand for dear life, and she hummed in amusement. "I'm not the type to make dinner out of humans, don't worry." Again you weren't sure you believed her. "You taste awful. Not enough meat to even justify wasting seasoning on." Ok, now you believed her a bit. "I just wanted to be sure no foolish bastard among those guards who may have fallen for you would try mounting some rescue effort."

"Fallen for me?" Unlike her you have to shout to feel heard. "That's oddly specific."

"You're such a pretty little thing! I'm sure half the single men in that house will mourn you, and half the married ones too."

"You're very charming for a thieving dragon."

"Oh please. There's charm and then there's honesty, learn the difference."

"Are you just as good at telling the truth then?" Your nervous humor was very forced, clear in the shake of your voice.

She cranes her neck to look at you upside-down as she flies, and you shrink back in to her grasp feeling very much like a mouse cornered by a cat. The slit-like pupils of her gaze dilate to circles that catch fringes of moonlight almost as well as it glints off her fangs. "I guess you'll just have to find out, won't you pet?" You could feel the roll of her voice in the fingers wrapped around your body, and she laughed when you shuddered. When you continued to shiver it trailed off though, and if you didn't know better you'd think she was concerned.

You still ventured to voice your complaint some time later. After much deliberation, of course. After she'd carried you steadily in silence for another hour you figured she wouldn't be very eager to drop you. "It's very cold up here. Is the flight long?"

You were answered with the banking of wings, the mountainous ground beneath you beginning to grow closer at an alarming rate. Soon you saw she was swooping toward an incredibly narrow series of crevices and just when you were certain she would crash she tucked her wings in and dove inward. Stone passed so close to your face you were scared to so much as hiccup for fear of losing your nose. Narana had you tucked well against her belly in both palms however, and you were safely against the broad scales there until she emerged in to a far more open chamber. Her wings snapped open and she stopped with the painful force of a wagon losing its front wheels mid run, nearly wrenching you free of her fingers from the inertia. Narana grasped for you with the quietest gasp, holding you still in the air, and flustered with her display of concern she warped the action in to depositing you as she spiraled 'round. You went from being held in her hands to holding tightly to a single finger as she twirled you. It was a brief, strange ballroom dance to silence, and before it all could fully register you were dumped on to... a couch? Scrambling backward against the arm of the chair you sit up and look around. This was one luscious couch of a few among mismatched furniture. The one thing each piece in the twice-complete living room set had in common was it looked expensive as hell.

Narana's monstrous visage loomed over you and you were stricken by the size of the scar across her face. It still spanned just as far. Did she receive it in her natural form? Dragon slayers perhaps. She was looking you over with open curiosity. "You are warming up now yes?"

You shake off the butterflies from looking up at a massive predator enough to answer. "Yes. It's a lot warmer in here. Tha-"

"Glad to hear it." Her cutting in was booming, and she tiredly lifts herself and begins to plod across the chamber.

You sink in to the comfort of the couch as she seems to busy herself parting out loot. Finally you could think without those snake eyes burning a hole in to you! You'd been working for months as a maid for those trash nobles to liberate that necklace and the rest of their worthwhile possessions from their sticky grasp only to have a dragon swoop in when you're finally making a move?! How are you meant to compete with that?! You were a bit impressed with how you'd managed to lie to a dragon's face and live, thankful for the deceptive skills you had honed now more than ever, but you were also just an ordinary (if very talented) thief. You knew two things about dragons. One: their magpie tendencies resonated with you deeply, and two: you could never take one in a fight. Especially not one as fierce as this bitch! You'd been dropped to the floor before you could even react meaningfully. Narana knew just how powerful she was and was keen to flaunt it but had also been wisely keeping an eye on you. Your gaze trails upward to the entrance to this grand chamber, the gap she had swooped in through squarely in the center of the ceiling. That was accessible only to flying creatures. You were stuck here until she decided otherwise unless you could figure something out. Of course, if you could find a way out this could be the jackpot for you. Take enough to prove it's here, come back with some friends to slay her... The thud of a decidedly human ass on the farthest cushion made you jump in place but you were stopped from fully rising by the still booted feet that slapped in to your lap, crossing at the ankles. Her gaze lazily follows yours and she sighs as if inconvenienced.

"Don't worry alright? I don't plan to keep you against your will. I'll take you out tomorrow when the sun is high enough to stop you from turning in to a pretty little popsicle." She looks you over openly with a blank expression, humming. "Until then I suppose we had a deal, yes?"

"Ah, er, the... how'd you make it seem... retirement pittance?" You don't completely keep the bitterness from your tone as well as you'd hoped and she quirks a brow.

"No pet. I made some very unsubtle offers to get all sorts of naked and horny with you." Her bluntness has you burning red and she smirks. "Not that I'll insist. You do have to admit it's a good way to get all warmed up though yes?"

"I'm sorry if I don't want to lift my skirt for every dragon who shows interest," you mutter as you gently push her feet from your lap. She pouts at you mockingly.

"Whatever shall I do? The cute little maid doesn't want me!" She puts the back of her palm to her forehead and rolls her eyes, grinning. "Now who will take me to the dance?"

"I'm well aware of your game." She narrows her eyes at you but you dare to continue. "I won't be manipulated so easily, and besides you strike me as a selfish lover."

One of her nostrils curls as she looks away from you with a quiet snarl. "Oh please. I have hundreds of years of experience. If anything I'm committing a wholly selfless charitable act whenever I bed one of you humans. You live for a blink and fuck for even less of it. No time to get any real skill at all." She only turned more sour when you snorted, crossing her arms, but when this made you laugh she still smiled even if she refused to meet your eye.

"But more importantly I'm not especially in to wasting time and energy bedding someone out of obligation, yours or mine." This has her looking at you in legitimate surprise. "We both know you were just saying whatever you thought you had to."

"Nobody makes a dragon do what they don't want to doll. Not even themselves." She's still eyeing you with her frowning face tilted to one side seeming much like a suspicious cat wary of a morsel.

"I'm also exhausted."

"That I can respect. The wind was against us." Narana slumps in her seat with just a bit of exaggeration. That of all things made you smile. She leaned her cheek to one loosely-curled fist, grinning catishly back at you. "Well now would you look at that. You can smile! And what a pretty look on you that is." When your grin vanished at that hers only intensified.

"You're obnoxious."

"I think what you mean to say is I'm a copper."

You blink blankly a few times. "A copper?"

The corner of her smile twitches. "A copper dragon?" Her expression is more strained by each moment of silence that flits by. "The incorrigible tricksters of dragon-kind? The most clever, most handsome, and more importantly most hilarious of them all??" Your continued stare has her slowly puffing up with a genuine pout, arms crossed over her chest as she curls up against the arm of the couch, legs crossed in a huff. "You can't be serious!! Have you really not heard of my kind?!" Rather than insulted Narana seemed legitimately embarrassed, and when this made you laugh her cheeks reddened. She muttered something unintelligible in a gutteral yet oddly elegant language you didn't understand. "What are they even teaching you humans these days, geeze. Clearly nothing important!"

"I'm very sorry Miss. I didn't exactly receive any education at all. My apologies for not having been rich enough to attend some ponce wizard school where everyone would be all hot and bothered over the idea of an egotistical, slutty dragon because you've got spells or whatever-" You were breaking character far too much. You slapped a palm over your mouth, trying not to look as frightened as you suddenly felt.

"Yeah, you should be sorry." She regarded your shock that she didn't really respond to the blatant insults you'd sewn blankly for a moment. "What?"

"Y-you're not going to eat me because I said that?" That might have been laying it on a bit thick but she didn't react beyond examining her nails.

"What? No. It's true. I've got a very well deserved ego and I'm absolutely a slut." You gawked. She grinned. "I know what I like doll. I like me and I like fucking. I'm also a greedy brat because I love treasure and getting my way, and most of all I'm _adorable_."

"Alright. Let me rephrase what I said earlier then: you're INCREDIBLY obnoxious." A heavily beaded cushion whumps in to your face, making you wince. When you open your eyes there's no longer a human on the couch with you. Instead Narana is back to her immense and scale-coated true self and she's wrapping her way around the couch in a closed loop with her tail tip to her nose. You draw your legs in tight as if she's going to nip off your toes but she merely shuffles a bit and shades your seat with her immense wing. As soon as she's enveloped your vision completely you can feel warmth radiating off her.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you pet. Don't try to sneak away or I'll bite off your legs~!" She hums her threat merrily, only one eye open to look at you now. "Goodnight." Her wing encloses your space entirely and creates a warm tent-like prison. You settle down on to the cushions and turn away from where you know her face rests on the other side of the membrane, glowering at the back of the couch. Ok. Maybe you were going to have to consider this one a loss.


End file.
